Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I know I've been gone, I know I should have checked in and said hi, I know that people care about what is going on. So here's the deal. I have been trying to figure out what to focus on. See a tragedy happened in my neighborhood, just a few steps away. A horrible tragedy, but not my tragedy. One that has consumed my neighborhood. It is hard not to get sucked into the whole thing when police are everywhere and helicopters are hovering about your head day and night. And then there were the reporters and looky lous. Aye, aye, aye...those vultures never left the area. People stood and stared at where it occurred. It all gave me the creeps and made me so angry. Angry that everyone tried to get their few minutes of fame and swarmed the reporters every time a camera showed up. Angry that it happened at all. Angry that it became such a news event. Angry that I am so angry. And then the churches got involved! Saturday night there were men in white robes from somewhere important wandering around pontificating among the native dancers playing their drums and the whole thing was caught on tape because every news station sent great big trucks with giant lights and many cameras to catch each and every reaction of every poor soul that chose to be there. It was ghoulish. Another event today at another church. Same coverage, same camera in faces, same quest for a few minutes of fame. Where were all these people before the tragedy? I am not letting myself off the hook either. Maybe it's true...humanity is only good in theory...
And me? Mostly I stayed away from home. I went to the Botanical Garden, visited with friends, spent time in the library. Chose not to spray in the backyard to avoid the helicopters. Yes, I am acting like a chicken shit. Yes, I didn't want to get involved in all of the speculation. Yes, I was so sorry it happened, but my presence was not what was needed to figure out what happened. Me staring at the place didn't make it go away. Yes, I am owning each and every judgmental statement I've made here. Yes, I am trying to figure out what I should be learning from the tragedy and my intense reaction to it. But mostly, I am trying to figure out what to focus on.


m. heart said...

oh dear, this sounds very intense, sorry it sounds as if it's going on right outside your front door.

moongipsies said...

I'm afraid to ask... I never watch the news....

Christina said...

i think you are on the right track. i am sure getting away from it for a small while, helped.

Paula said...

The news folks are amazing, aren't they?

However. Those are some beautiful roses you've focused on there, my dear.

I'm off to Denver to visit Iris, my five year old angel grand daughter....oh yeah, and her mom and dad too.

Chris said...

You are honest and direct. You get to feel this stuff. YOU did not create this madness and if I were you, I'd leave the house, too. Who needs to see people at their worst?

Stephanie said...

This sounds horrible and it does make me angry too that some people are attracted like moths to a flame at other people's tragedies.


these two images are beautiful and I hope you sit in the stillness and enjoy the unfocused life for a while.


eb said...

over time
we learn
how NOT
to react

it takes
a long time
but eventually
we learn
to hold
what is dear


xox - eb.

Paula Scott said...

I don't blame you for being a 'fugitive'. It is ghoulish! All the media ever cares about is what sound bites they can get their hands on in hopes of increasing viewer ratings.
Gads, the sludge of humanity. I have no words, but it is nice to see you 'back' again!

Judith. ..de Santa Fe said...

Leau dear ,

You've written so beautifully about the conflicting emotions of these situations: "It's not my tragedy."
I often feel guilt that my mode at these times is to become an observer.... because I choose not to rides the waves of the drama.

From a greater perspective, this truly provides some greater balance for all those whose choice it is to make it their tragedy.